The Science of Ramen

Despite having vowed to never again engage with science or maths academically at the tender age of 15, to everyone’s surprise at 26 I ended up deciding- without coercion- to undertake a masters of science in public health. While the jury is still very firmly out as to whether or not this was a wise endeavour (when I say out I mean the jury has run away most likely to avoid giving me the bad news), it has meant that I’ve learnt a thing or two about evidence and how it can be used to manipulate us as a population and the policy makers and health commissioners who hold the purse strings.

The admission not so many weeks ago that Tamiflu is actually useless despite being very expensive inspired me to do my own experiment to ensure that none of us suffer from that most terrible of consumer afflictions- paying more for something that sucks. While initially I wanted to review East London butchers it turns out I remain skint so my gaze shifted to that most wonderful student food: ramen noodles.

All good experiments have a protocol. Here is mine.

Selection criteria: Must be a self-contained pack of dried Asian style noodles and sauce packet(s). All were chicken flavour (as far as I could tell anyways).

Preparation: Noodles to be prepared in accordance with packet instructions. Where none existed noodles were boiled in 500 ml water and contents of seasoning packets (this is pretty standard across brands). While normally I would add toasted sesame oil and soy sauce to noodles during cooking, in the name of science I allowed myself neither. You’re welcome science.

Scoring: Noodles scored 1-5 in the following three categories:  Cheapness,  Deliciousness, Hipster cred.

Limitations: At the expense of scientific rigor, my sample of Sainsbury’s Basics Instant Chicken Noodles was discarded for being absolutely fucking disgusting and was disqualified from the experiment. Never buy these. They aren’t worth the 20p and I hereafter refuse to put them in my mouth on pain of death.

Results:

1) Demae Ramen

Cheapness 4/5
Deliciousness 2/5
Hipster Cred 1/5

I have a long and largely untroubled relationship with Demae Ramen. Once-upon-a-time when I lived in Melbourne my housemate bought a box of 120 packets and we never looked back. I was surprised by how bland they are without adjustments though. While they’re acceptable as a starting point in making something nicer, on their own they are not good. Do not stockpile these, you’d rather eat your own fingers after the 40^th pack. Demae are so generic that you’re only as hip eating them as you were before. While I previously thought these were Indonesian, it turns out they’re actually Japanese.

 2. KHLGUGSU

Cheapness 3/5
Deliciousness 5/5
Hipster Cred 4/5

These noodles are amazing. If you’re looking to stockpile something for the zombie apocalypse you should look no further than KHLGUGSU if you can afford their wonder. While they sneakily added their own packet of toasted sesame oil (nice touch guys) they also have the added hipster cred of being a different shape to your standard packed ramen, which is a real treat. While I originally thought they were Japanese the internet is telling me that they’re actually from Korea which ups the hipster cred even more making these noodles the clear front runner. I’d even consider serving these to guests under the right circumstances and with the right adjustments.

3. ??????
Cheapness 3/5
Deliciousness 4/5
Hipster Cred 3/5

I initially expected these noodles (who’s name I fear I’ll never know given my lack of ability to read the characters on the packet) to be the winner. They were extremely strong contenders and a standout entry in themselves, but in the end they lacked that extra something. They’re certainly delicious and have the added appeal of not having any English on the package, but they just didn’t measure up to KHLGUGSU in taste and style. I would recommend adding them to your Zombie apocalypse stockpile to mix it up. They’re also undeniably excellent when you’re thinking about more involved noodle experiments.

A final note- everyone who’s interested in cooking cheaply should find a good Asian supermarket to stock up on basics. My current local (China Ark on the Mile End Road) is the most delightful one I’ve ever had so if you’re in the neighbourhood I firmly recommend you check it out.

Cheers
-Cutback Charlie